The reunion is over and the photos posted on online profiles. Now comes the really hard part – nurturing relationships with old friends and former co-workers that could benefit everyone.

To do that, you need to develop “progressive reciprocity.” This crucial approach from Gordon Curtis, author of Well Connected  (Wiley, $26.95, 230 pages). means giving the other person something of value before you expect their aid. It is especially important when so many people are job hunting and so much of the world has raised the bar on assisting others.

So “loosen up” the person so they genuinely feel motivated to help you, Curtis told me in an interview. This might have happened at the reunion – a great conversation where you really learned a lot about that person – or it may occur a week later in her office. There you’re going to provide information, connections or expertise, based on her profile, comments posted online or needs and interests gleaned earlier.

Even if you’ve been jobless for months, you must believe you can offer something – perhaps a referral to another unemployed person who exactly matches an opening they need to fill. Or perhaps an introduction to someone on a nonprofit board you’ve been on for years.

“We all suffer from some degree of I have nothing to offer syndrome,” Curtis said. Change your perspective to ” I’m making it my business to help as many people along the way” and you gain  a position of strength, he said.

Be creative and sincere in your offer of assistance and  “that reciprocity bar that people have to hold up so high these days is suddenly lowered a bit.”

Another post-reunion move could benefit your career: Write a handful of emails to people who couldn’t make the event and tell them a little about it.  Share funny moments or news about friends who were there. Give them inside information or a something relevant to their careers or lives. Tell only a tiny bit about yourself.

Use the reunion as a reason to re connect – and make the second reason build up their connection to you.

After my Newsday reunion (Facebook page here) I sent emails to a few friends who didn’t show up expressing my appreciation for their efforts when we worked together and my hope that they are thriving now. I also made it clear that I considered them a lifelong friend and would be glad to collaborate or assist them anytime. I’m still reaching out to a few people who I missed and am developing a list of those I want to see on my next visit to Long Island. It’s a long one!

If you really connected with a few people at the reunion but like me, didn’t bring along business cards, take time to send a follow-up email giving them your coordinates. Send along information and leads you promised promptly too, and your goodwill bank will be fuller than a Facebook page after a photographers reunion.

More information:

If you’re heading to your reunion soon, please check out my Glassdoor.com blog post for advice on preparing for it.

To learn more about Gordon Curtis and his book, Well Connected, check out this website.

Want to arrange a reunion for some college chums or your sorority sisters?  Queensland University of Technology has some suggestions.

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