Tag Archives: M.J. Ryan

Five ways to take the path of thriving as easily as you brew tea in the morning

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“Life is what we make of it. Always has been. Always will be.” – Grandma Moses.

“Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can.” -  Danny Kaye

My picture for myself:  I am thriving and finding so many successes, so many friends and so many adventures and opportunities for travel, generosity, joy and love. Despite a few struggles and slip-ups very occasionally, I live an abundant life and create many good things – stories, articles, seminars, connections, jobs, assistance for those in need.

And I am determined this year to be more intentional in how I live and how I create life day by day. Here’s five ways we each can thrive, no matter what happens to the job market or the profit margins or the economy:

1. Know what you’re the best at; where and how you excel.

Know your niche and use your talents well. Play to your strengths – and make sure everyone sees you shine. A basketball player who scores most of the time and can reach the rim repeatedly doesn’t have to think about defensive play. Likewise, an administrative assistant who keeps office running smoothly and the boss’ key tasks on track will be valued and may even score a raise or bonus.

2.  Feed your mind and your body with goodness.

Choose books and blogs as carefully as you pick out organic vegetables at the farmer’s market.  Recently, I’ve started carving out about 30 to 40 minutes a day (well most days) to read a book. Sometimes I grab some  water or tea and my book and sit in the sunshine. Sometimes I  stay in bed an extra half hour in the morning to read – a luxury that makes me feel like a queen. Books as delicious as vegetarian chili include The Happiness Advantage, The Optimist’s Daughter and The Fifth Agreement.  I’m savoring more poetry and a few novels too, along with winter squash and greens.

3. Develop diverse friendships.

These people serve as the fruit trees to your life. Certainly you want peaches and apples, raspberries, oranges and grapes. So find friends at work and while volunteering. On grow them on BrazenCareerist or LinkedIn, in a  writers group or chance encounter at a coffee shop. Once I met one while walking around my new neighborhood.  Then make sure you give them all the support, encouragement and assistance they need – so when your needs spike they already feel connected enough to assist you.

4. Cultivate curiosity, creativity and adaptability.

Curiosity is the triplet that grew up with creativity and appreciating or at least accepting change, key traits in today’s work world. All three will make you better, more informed and more likely to spot opportunities for yourself and your employer.  Curiosity also will encourage you to ask questions, to look beyond the obvious and to unearth information and insights.

Adaptability serves us well in these unsettled times. “We’re in the midst of this vast transformation. No one can see the outcome,” said M.J. Ryan, author of an excellent book called AdaptAbility. More from her soon on Glassdoor.com . (LINK) So be open and flexible and as Ryan suggests, look for ways to marshall your resources and focus your energies not on the past but on your future plans. And creativity in life and in solution-getting can make stones sing and problems disappear.

5.  Seek a second or third stream of income.

You may feel you have the most steady, reliable job in the world. But so did auto workers not so long ago or the staff at Aon and Hewitt Associates until their merger knocked 1,800 people out of jobs. So start thinking of yourself as a slash careerist – someone who has two or three jobs that bring satisfaction and income. And begin now to develop your second source of funds – something you can manage in your off hours. Seek ads for your popular blog or offer to work weekends for a real estate agent handling all the foreclosed homes. Help a friend with her start-up. Work as a waitress on Saturday nights. Crochet scarves; sell them on etsy or at a local farmers market.  Pray and plan that Mity Nice will make a profit this year. Someday this second income may be your primary source of living expenses. Or maybe your hobby business will grow into the real deal. Or perhaps your favorite cousin will need work and you’ll be able to train her to crochet the hats that match your scarves.

To be sure, there are other ways to brew thriving like you would a good cup of tea. So start your own list of habits and goals that will stir up a drink of life’s elixir as you stroll Abundance Lane or speed along Thrive Highway.

MORE INFORMATION:

M.J. Ryan’s books and blog are on my highly recommended lists.

I’m just starting to explore GoodReads, but I think it could be a rich resource.

Money Under 30 has 10 good tips for making moonlighting work.

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Tackle your emotions and then take on a complex conversation at work

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You’re ready for a showdown. The new guy is driving you crazy with his iPod blasting ’80s pop songs and his fingers pounding and popping on the keyboard almost as loud.  He’s obnoxiously oblivious to how disruptive he is.
Or maybe your bosses’ attitude and approach lately really must be addressed. You feel stressed out by the expectations and demands and the hurry up or else mindset that seems to be the guiding star, rather than the old quality and creativity approaches.
You are ready to scream or cry, so you decide to talk to the offending co-worker.  Here’s five ways to tackle the emotions that can cloud or sidetrack these difficult conversations:
Know your objective.
You don’t want an pound of their flesh, no matter how miserable they make your workplace. You want them to change their behaviors or improve their work ethic.  So write down what you hope to accomplish with the conversation. And then write down two or three reasons why your aim will benefit the person with the nasty vocabulary.
You’re likely to work with the person for a long time after the conversation so as much as you can move it toward a compromise, a win-win solution or an approach that both can live with.
Keep in mind that your goal is to improve the workplace atmosphere and the individual’s behavior, not take a wrecking ball to them.
Work through emotions and attitudes ahead of time.
Give yourself permission to feel angry, hurt, disappointed, dismayed. But also recognize that sometimes you are telling a story about the other person that may be feeding negative emotions, said Kerry Patterson, co-author of Crucial Confrontations and Crucial Conversations.  “They’re just doing it because they want me to suffer,”
“Change the story we tell ourselves and we change our emotions” and outlook, he said.
Suspend negativity and fear.
Even if you can’t let go of all the sad, bad feelings, you can put them aside for a few hours before and during this conversation. Be an actor. Remind yourself of the good attributes of this employee or boss.
If you’re afraid, take time to deal with that.  “We scare ourselves because we don’t tell the story all the way through,” said  M.J. Ryan, author of AdaptAbility / How to Survive Change You Didn’t Ask For. She suggests asking yourself: “And then what happened?” and picture your response if your boss gets really upset or suspends you for a week.
Steer clear of negatives when you talk.  “Do not talk about character. Do not talk about intent,” said Patterson. Avoid absolutes – you always or you never or the worst. Avoid innuendo and accusations. Stick with the facts.
Expect there to be awkward moments.
Difficult conversations almost always have them.Minimize them by creating a script for yourself for the start of the conversation.  See Patterson’s advice on my Glassdoor.com blog on the six steps to make scary conversations go well.
If you come to a difficult moment, take a deep breath and then another. You may want to acknowledge it with “This can be so difficult” or “Let me think about that for a few minutes..” If you can inject a little humor without seeming callous or cavalier, do so. But do this with sensitivity. Sometimes it’s better to say something like “Long after we’ve worked out this issue, I expect us to be collaborating on projects” or “I’m sorry if this is at all hurtful or difficult – it is for me too.”
Start again if anger or hurt rears up.
“If the other person is angry, it’s best to buy time. It’s chemical, a visceral reaction,” said Patterson. When things heat up, it’s time to adjourn the discussion for a few hours or a day. Patterson suggests saying: “This is an important topic. Let’s set it aside and talk later today” or tomorrow.
And give yourself credit for having the conversation, even if you cannot agree to any immediate improvements. Your chat could plant the seeds of change that may sprout just when you’ve rediscovered an appreciation for your coworkers’ Madonna and Duran Duran songs.

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Seven smart insomniac career moves

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It’s 3:51 a.m. and I’m wide awake. I’ve answered two questions on LinkedIn and done some work on my Brazen Careerist profile. Now I’m ready to find another task to undertake.

Insomnia comes into my nights fairly regularly. So I’m starting to make use of the time – often two or three hours that always seem to start around 3 a.m.

This is the first time I’ve written a blog post, but I have written a lot of emails and provided some Answers on LinkedIn. As I hope you know, the Answers section is a great place to showcase your expertise and provide someone some insights, information, connections and well, answers.

If you’re actively managing your career, you  too can use this night time window of time to your advantage. Here’s seven ideas for insomniac career success:

  1. Build your network. Send requests to connect to five former colleagues on LinkedIn or Facebook. (I’m actively building my LinkedIn profile and presence so if you already know me, please be in touch.)
  2. Upload a new photo of yourself to your profiles. Your old one may not be professional enough, or give the vibe you want.
  3. If you’re worried about something, do some research and reading so you feel more prepared. I’ve done this lately on my seasonal teen-jobs and Italian ice business Mity Nice, and I always feel better when I’ve done some due diligence.
  4. Write a couple of Twitter posts. Send one and save a couple for tomorrow, when you’re tired and can’t think of anything worthwhile to say. Better yet, answer someone’s Twitter query with something helpful or funny.
  5. Update your Success file with a few recent accomplishments, praise notes, etc.  If you don’t have one of these, it’s so worthwhile. It is similar to a resume but more eclectic: Use it to record and recall your successes – very useful when you’re asked to tell about yourself or need to boost your confidence.
  6. Set up a Google alert on a career topic that’s crucial right now. And if you haven’t already, set up another to watch for any mentions of yourself. (If you have a common name, come up with a second or third term to make sure it’s not the woman across the country or in the next city who shares your name.)
  7. Write a thank you note to two people who helped you recently. Yes, I mean pen to note card and while you’re at it, send your Mom or Aunt Lil a card telling them how much you love them.

And if you’re still not feeling ready to return to bed, read a chapter in a a career or self-help book. I like Adaptability by M.J. Ryan and just finished Donald Miller’s A Million Miles in a Thousand Years and appreciate his message of changing your life like you’d revise a manuscript or story. These books may not put you to sleep, but they will put you in a better frame of mind.

And yes, when the yawns come, give into the need for sleep. First though, set your alarm back 20 minutes, and add a few extra spoonfuls of coffee to your machine.

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